Friday, July 29, 2011


AS SOON AS I HEARD THE RUMORS, I MADE MY WAY TO HIS CAMP. I will need all my courage and skills to get this story. With some trepidation, I approach. You are looking at a man who has taken well over a hundred thousand lives---who proudly identifies himself as a killer.

I'm afraid of him-----and yet mesmerized. I ask him about his scooter, its mileage and his travel style. He answers---I marvel---ask more harmless questions---get permission for pictures. His loneliness is my way in.

Soon I am a welcome guest. I do believe I could interview Satan---even He would enjoy telling his story to an inquiring mind.
He shows me how he transports his worldly goods on this makeshift rack. For some years now he has wandered the world ---purposeless---angry---hopeless----unwilling or unable to build a new identity.
And then----and then---I get the story---he's convinced that I care---AND I DO! Here's the story: He has personally killed more than a hundred thousand animals---mostly cows and pigs--and some horses. His only career was killer in a slaughter house---started at 18---was hired not knowing what his job would be----was shocked at first---but got on with it. Said he suffered horrible nightmares for a long time---then they went away-----then something astounding happened---HE BEGAN TO ENJOY KILLING---began to love it---said he would often kill a string of cows to jam up the processing line so he could take a break.

Then something horrible happened: HE BEGAN TO ENJOY CRUELTY! I will spare you details of his cruelty---(though he did not spare me) The only good news is that it was soon noticed and the company moved him to another job. It did not satisfy and he went off to another state and began a second career as a self employed killer and processor for small farmers.

He got married and had kids but she divorced him after 23 years. A minor stroke and mental stresses a few years ago disabled and qualified him for SSI compensation on which he travels and survives living in a tent.

Says he's not killed anything in a while---but shows me that he could. Oh sweet readers---this interview nearly did me in. I came home and cried. Here is a soul that has been seared by killing---and I'm afraid that everyone who eats meat helped do the searing. I don't know how to feel. Is there a way to kill that does not scar our being?

RANDY PHILOSOPHIZES: I thought of Cain---killer of Abel---marked and cursed by God to be a restless wanderer on the earth. This guy looks and fits the name. Strangely, he tells everyone he meets that he is a killer. (puzzled over this awhile) Now I think I understand why he does it: As dreadful as this admission is-----it is less dreadful than NOTHINGNESS. (being Nobody)---Killer is at least an identity---and any identity is more bearable than being nobody. (Nothingness is the anxiety of non existence----and PUSHING AWAY NOTHINGNESS is the full time obsession of all humans)


Brenda A. said...

Factory farming is craziness! I do my best to not support it by purchasing meat from smaller operations when I can. But it's so pervasive that it's difficult to completely avoid it without just giving up meat entirely.

I've done the vegetarian thing for a couple of years. I gradually reintroduced meat. But the whole factory farming thing makes me so nauseous. It's a really crappy way to live, for both the animals and the humans involved.

Anonymous said...

I buy meat from a local farmer and know exactly how she raises them. It costs 2x as grocery store but worth every penny mentally and otherwise. 100% grass fed happy cows. Also an excellent small town butcher who wraps meat with thick old fashioned paper that keeps in the freezer forever - no plastics!

Anonymous said...

explain something to me. How is vegetarianism NOT killing? What is it vegetarians eat, that was not once alive, and killed for their food, or, for their housing?

Life is Life. You ask God what is more glorious, a Bull Elk, or a head of lettuce, he'll reply; "Neither."

It is NOT about whether you must kill to live. You can not live, without killing. That is simply the way it is.

The question is, whether you waste, and/or disrespect the life you take.

The answer is, Take what you need. Use what you take. Acknowledge, and Honor the sacrifice made by ALL LIFE, to support Your life.

... and STOP the Hypocrisy that Vegetarianism is Not Killing. That Idea is simply Garden Variety Racism.

NE'er said...

A dark, sad, but thought provoking post. Keep these interesting engagements coming.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Complete PAP. How many bugs does your vagrant life kill? Or do only photogenic souls count...

Sondra said...

ALthough I dont know if plants have souls----I dont think they do since they dont have a brain. I gave up eating ANIMALS and all ANIMAL products I would say raising animals for food is Inhumane and not necessary ---period...I have enjoyed this life choice for over 5 yrs now and do not regret my decision. I would steer clear of people such as The Killer....he is most probably insane, and most certainly not one to enrich your life with his images of death. Better off to Celebrate LIVING and the ones who Cherish life--Each of us makes our choice and it is with that choice that we have to make our peace.

Randy said...

Well said anonymous ---thanks for saying it. It's clear I need to think a bit more about the issue and to make a few distinctions in the case of this guy. Will do a separate post.

Anonymous said...

What a curious, sad, creepy fellow.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Randy. I have "commented" a couple times and leave my self, 'anonymous' for a reason

Too many times it's a "Shoot the messenger" kind of response you get from "People", and the message gets lost in their tirade, rather than an intelligent discussion of Philosophy.

I leave myself out of it as I can, hoping that only my "Idea" is left to discuss.

Anonymous said...

Sondra; Do Plants have souls? Yes, You don't know, and, Neither do I. That's kind of my point.

The human brain lacks the capacity to know. So, what is the answer? My answer is to NOT differentiate. To show respect for all life, in all it's forms, and to NOT WASTE any of it, if it can be avoided.

That said, as having spent most of my life in the farming and ranching world I must say that "Properly" care for livestock has a much better life than wild.

My grandfather taught me to nurture, protect, defend and care for my animals. To give them the best life they could have while they walked this earth. To treat them with as much kindness and gentleness as was possible.

I do not hold with the 'factory' chicken farms and much other of modern "Corporate" farming... it was NOT that way on the Family farms. If you abused your animals you were rejected in the "society" and economic reality drove you out of the business...

That's one of the reasons I detest what's been inflicted on family ranches with the re-introduction of wolves and the protection of bears. With The attached RULES that PROHIBIT farmers and ranchers from protecting the animals that take care of their families. They are required, under penalty of law, to stand by and watch their Cattle, Sheep, Horses, torn apart by predators, and Heavily Fined, if they don't.

It's gone from one WRONG extreme, to the other.

Jim said...

ANONYMOUS: "They are required, under penalty of law, to stand by and watch their Cattle, Sheep, Horses, torn apart by predators, and Heavily Fined, if they don't."
FWIW, the percentage of wolf kills which are actually witnessed by a rancher (or, oh my God, their children!) must surely be VERY small. You also forgot to mention that farmers and ranchers are compensated for ANY animal losses due to a confirmed wolf kill. Yes, this costs taxpayer money, but the fed spends two billion dollars a day on death and destruction (a.k.a. the military). As a nation, I think we can afford to spend something to preserve life for a change . . . especially the life of a specie that was here long before white man and his domesticates came to town.

Anonymous said...

I noticed the bottle of booze and the man boobs, mostly

Cara said...

I regret to say it, but I think most of the commenters have missed a critical point: human life...all comprised of 360degrees of potentiality. Within each of us is the potential for life and death, creation and destruction, love and fear. "Cain" is simply one manifestation of God awaring of limited qualities of itself in human form. That's all any of us can claim to be (I philosophize...). Mixed with my fear, disgust and shock at his story are sadness, curiosity, compassion and respect. Frankly I'm grateful that my experience, my sacred contract in this lifetime, is one that has not placed me in the same set of circumstances he was which might have led me to accept and even embrace the act of killing. Apparently his life story was largely led and defined by the archetype of 'killer'. Death, killing, birthing, life...all are aspects of the same God. It's our limited human perception through the filter of our 5 physical senses of finite time, space, and dualities that makes Cain a 'freak'...dark, sad, curious, and creepy. Beauty, and ugliness, are in the eyes of the beholder. If we are human, we are not exempts from this.

Randy said...

Cara: Thanks for a very insightful comment. I'm particularly struck by "death, killing, birth, life....all are aspects of the same God". That seems to be the overall point of the Bagavad Gita---to embrace the totality of life as a vast cosmic drama. Randy

Anonymous said...

There are differing levels of consciousness that each living thing possesses. Why do humans eat animals but not other humans? Why do people not eat their pets? It's all the same "life" that exists in them all, right? Well, yes and no. Killing plants is not the same as killing humans is it? That's because plants have a much lower level of consciousness. Vegetarians are eating from the bottom of the consciousness chain so that more evolved beings, who have a higher level of self-awareness, can continue to experience life.